S3Ep12: Rediscovering Your Reflection: Finding Confidence, Beauty and Identity in Christ

You’re not broken. You don’t need fixing. You need to remember who you are.
 In this episode of Her Identity Project, I share my testimony and the honest story behind why I created True Beauty—the six-week group coaching program where we blend practical makeup skills, mindset, and Christ-anchored identity work so you can start seeing yourself the way God does.

We talk about comparison, shame, inner healing, and what happens when you finally believe Ephesians 2:10 is for you: you were crafted on purpose, with purpose.  Hear why I teach makeup as a practice of courage—not to hide your face, but to help you meet it with love again, while learning simple, out-the-door routines that let your outer glow reflect the work God’s doing within. 

What you’ll hear:

• How a late-in-life identity shift with Jesus replaced years of “not enough” (and why it shows in your eyes)
• Beauty as spiritual: why peace and joy are the real glow
• Practical first steps: mindset, skincare basics, and expressing your God-given creativity with makeup
• A gentle invitation into True Beauty (Beta)—the lowest price this program will ever be

Enrollment is open now and the Beta price ends Tuesday, Oct 14. We start next week. Join us here or DM me “TRUE BEAUTY” on IG/Facebook and I’ll send details.

(Conversation originally recorded with my friend Kristen Phillips—wife, mama, high school counselor, podcaster, and coach. Grateful for her thoughtful questions and heart.)

Join our sisterhood on this journey of becoming radiant and free!
This is your space to grow with a community of women supporting each other as we step into true freedom. https://www.facebook.com/groups/948649984145133

Help us grow the show and God's Kingdom!

Before you go, snap a screenshot of the episode playing on your device, post it to your Instagram or Fb Stories and tag @ashleyiduda. We'd love to hear what resonated with you the most.

Rate & Review: If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend and leave a five star review—it helps other women find these conversations and step into their God-given identity. 💛

Transcript

 True Beauty-Kristen Phillips Interview

[00:00:00] Welcome. This is Her Identity Project, a safe space for women to explore faith, self-discovery, and personal growth. Here we will journey together to become our best full selves. Spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally, it's time to let go of everything that is holding you back from becoming the woman God created you to be.

If you're ready to reclaim your authentic self, stick around. I'm your host Ashley Ida, and this is her identity project. Hey friend, it's Ashley. Welcome back to Her Identity Project. I wasn't planning on releasing an episode today, but honestly my heart's just been so full as I get ready to relaunch my True Beauty program that I feel like I couldn't not share this. The conversation you're about to hear was recorded a little while ago with a [00:01:00] friend of mine, Kristen Phillips.

She's a wife, mama, high school counselor, podcaster and founder of Kristin Phillips Coaching. She interviewed me about my story and how I went from feeling totally disconnected from my reflection to creating a safe space for women to rediscover their God-given beauty, confidence, and identity. I think so many of us can relate to that season of, you know, the mom season.

We're pouring into everyone else and forgetting who we are. Sound familiar? This episode is for you. If you've ever looked in the mirror and thought, where did I go? Let's dive in. So I'm so excited to have a very special guest on the show today. She is a makeup artist, a beauty educator, a confidence mentor.

She also [00:02:00] has her own podcast and a coaching program, and I'm sure she'll give you. All the dates. A little later, we actually met on Facebook, and after listening to a few of her episodes and following along on her journey, her story, I thought, wow. Um, I, I really, I love what she's doing, and I have been so incredibly inspired by how far she's come in her faith walk.

So between her background in the beauty world and her heart for empowering women. I just knew that I needed to have her on this show. 

So without further ado, Ashley a Doda. Welcome. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. That was like the sweetest intro ever. Oh, well I appreciate you being here today, and, and I, I do, I I'm just, um, I'm [00:03:00] in awe by how far you've come.

I mean, you, you have quite the story. Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure to have you follow along and you know, just to kind of recognize that in me, that makes me feel really good. You.

I would love to hear how your, uh, your understanding of confidence, especially when it comes to appearance, has kind of evolved over time through your career where you're at now. You know, was there, was there a particular turning point or a season when God just really reshaped that for you? Yeah. Um, it really has been quite a journey.

I mean, I'll say that. I mean, I remember just being a little girl all the way up through high school, all the way through college and even into my late twenties. [00:04:00] I remember just. Feeling the pressure to fit in. I remember like how much of an emphasis was put on being cool. And I mean, I, it's really funny to say this out loud, but I'll never forget being in class and there was a girl that I was kind of like envious of.

I just looked up to her. Thought she was like just the coolest girl on campus and I mean, I would copy her body motions. Like it was so silly. Like I was just like obsessed with her. So I think that most of my life I felt a lot of pressure to measure up. You know, whether it be how I dressed or how I wore my makeup or just like, you know, how I presented myself and everything shifted for me recently.

So it's, it happened later in life for me. 'cause I'm just over 40. [00:05:00] You know this. You don't look it at all. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I tease my husband. He and I both kind of have baby faces. We both have like round faces, so that kind of helps us keep the youth. But um, I'll say there was a turning point and it had a lot to do with really just.

Learning to love myself in a very real and authentic way, and I know you're gonna ask more questions later, but yeah, my whole journey is really like a true, like a self-love journey is what it really is. Yeah, I can definitely see that, especially on, you know, some of your most recent episodes and things that you've talked about on your show, things that you've shared on Facebook.

It is, it is very much about just learning how to appreciate your, your skin that you're in and, and your personality and, [00:06:00] and just all of the things both inner and outer. And I love that about your story. Aw, thank you a hundred percent. That's what it's all about. One of the things that I talk about to my audience a lot of times is culture and, and their influence on, on beauty standards and things like that.

Some of that influence is totally mixed. Some of it's really subtle. Some of it is loud and obnoxious. Kind of in their face. And I think that so many women, so many teen girls, they just, they internalize these unrealistic expectations that society and media set, and they really, they start to feel like they're totally unloved.

They don't feel seen. They're just looking at themselves as someone who's unworthy. Of those things, and, and I know that that resonates with some of your personal story and testimony, so I would love it if you'd be willing to [00:07:00] share some of that with listeners. You know, what, what was that season like for you and how did God meet you in it?

How did he shift your perspective? Just all the things. All the things. Yeah, I mean, I can definitely just go deep into my testimony, you know, because I think, like you said, the comparison game is so real and all of the unrealistic standards, especially with social media and the comparison game is so strong and we're just constantly seeing what everybody else is doing, and we just don't feel like we measure up.

And like I said, I really did have issues with my self-worth. I mean, most of my life, if I'm being honest, I really did lack confidence and you know, I did grow up in kind of an unstable environment and so looking back I see how that probably has a lot to do with it. But I was always afraid to stand out, [00:08:00] and as I got older, I really did struggle with my self-worth, and I just never felt good enough.

And I mean, it affected every area of my life down to feeling worthy to apply first. Specific jobs and like make enough money. And so it just had this like trickle effect where, I mean, you name it, it happened. I dated the wrong guys. I mean, it just affected every part of my life. And for me, everything changed.

Last year I had this supernatural encounter with Christ and he really did replace my shame and all of my doubts and all of my fear about not being good enough with his love, like with his pure love. I think what it really did is it completely shifted my identity. I mean, it completely shifted like my self concept and the way I saw [00:09:00] myself, because what I recognized is I was such a people pleaser, and so I was kind of like living to please other people.

I cared so much like what they thought about me and. Everything changed for me when I was able to see myself the way God sees me. That's when it was almost like this epiphany when I just was like, oh my gosh, like I can accept myself for who he truly made me to. So personal and so, you know, I finally just.

Was able to embrace my flaws and my imperfections, and I just really do believe that, you know, and I know you know the verse that I love as well. It's Ephesians two 10. It says that word, God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus, basically created on purpose. Like God crafted us [00:10:00] with intention like we are literally his.

Artwork like his masterpiece. And that is, it's so beautiful to me. I mean, I just, I never get sick of saying it. I think it's a reminder every girl and every woman needs, and if you really believe that he created you exactly the way he did on purpose, then everything that makes you feel like you, all of a sudden it matters.

You know? I mean, that's. That's how he created you. So it doesn't matter if you measure up, there's no need to compare yourself because he made us different on purpose. I love that. I, I can't help but think that when God creates us and he is forming us in the womb. With that intention. Hmm. He is, he, he's molding us, like each one of us individually.

You know, like you watch your, your kids or somebody play with [00:11:00] Play-Doh and you're always amazed at how each person can come up with a different thing. Well, God did that too. He did. He was the original creator that, that he took the time and that he. He intentionally made us in his image, first of all, and then that he made us exactly like he wanted us to be.

Yeah. That is, that's so, that's so powerful. That's such an incredible realization for somebody to come to. Yeah, it really is. It's awe inspiring when you really think like that much intention and think about how many, what billions of people are on the world and in the world, and every single one of us.

Is unique on purpose, and he did it with such intention. I mean, when you really break it down that way, it's mind blowing. And it does, it makes [00:12:00] me emotional too, because it's just a reminder of like how good he is and how loved we are. Like he loved, like he, you know, actually I have a tattoo on my hand. I got it recently and it says chosen because he chose.

Like he chose me. And that is just what, like he loves me that much. You know? I mean, yeah. It's how could you not just, it's beautiful. It's so beautiful. Yes. So good. So good. Yeah, it's, yes. Oh my goodness. So to kind of spin off of that, what do you think God actually values when it comes to beauty? I mean, working in a field that is so focused on the outside and the physical appearance, how are you able to stay rooted in his definition?

And is there anything that helps you kind of realign yourself when you feel that? Pull toward comparison or worldly standards versus his. [00:13:00] That's a really good question. I had to, you know, really think deeply about this. I think, you know, God values, I mean really just that our identity is rooted in him and not rooted in the world.

What came up for me, of course, was. Romans 12 two, which is all about not living to the world's standards, like renewing our mind. And it's so that we can walk in his will with clarity and confidence, and I think that can only come when everything we get is coming from him. So it's almost like this awareness and this decision that we, we have to base our life on him and that everything we get, we get from him.

So like our beauty, this is really cool. I heard another makeup artist talk about this, and it was like, finally someone got it. The way I get it, she, she [00:14:00] coined the term beauty is spiritual. Because it's not really about like how we look. Beauty is about how we feel about ourselves. Beauty is about something that you can, it's not even really tangible if you think about it.

It's so deep when somebody is. Like, actually, I think about the fruit of the spirit. If somebody is in joy and they're in peace and they're connected to him, like connected to the vine, then you're at peace and you have joy, and you can see it in somebody's eyes. Your beauty comes from within. It doesn't come from the makeup on your face, you know?

And so I think that staying rooted in God is truly the answer to inner beauty. I think that it, it, it reminds me of, you know, the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul. Yes. That's exactly what that puts me in [00:15:00] mind of, because you're right, you can, you can see the kind of person that somebody is through their eyes.

It, it has nothing to do with their facial features. It has nothing to do with how much makeup they are or aren't wearing, or if they've got their smoky eye just right. Yes. Oh, I love that. I love you said that because it's really funny. So I went on what I call like an inner healing journey, because maybe a year, maybe two years ago now, I recognized that I just felt sad inside and that I wasn't healthy.

I wasn't happy. So I took some time to do some like deep soul work. It's really interesting to me when I look at the selfies I took in that season compared to them now, with or without makeup, that doesn't matter. There is literally like a light in my eyes that was not there in that season and it's [00:16:00] so telling of exactly what you said, the eyes are the window to the soul.

Absolutely. It's so true. When you do start to feel yourself getting lost in insecurity again because it happens. It happens to the most confident person it does. Or when you catch yourself falling into the comparison trap, are there any specific scriptures or truths, biblical affirmations, anything like that that you go back to over and over again to ground yourself?

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'm gonna say Ephesians two 10 and again, but this time it's for the second part of it. Mm-hmm. Because the first part tells us that we're his workmanship and he created us with intention. But the second part basically lets us know that he created us on purpose for a. Special and unique purpose, like each to our own.

So that verse grounds me. 'cause it, when I [00:17:00] do start to kind of like veer off and see what other people are doing, I'm like, oh, wait a minute. My journey is different than theirs. He had a plan for my life from the get go. My goal is to just seek Tim and walk it out. So memorizing Ephesians two 10 is a reminder that you're created imperfectly perfect, and that you have a very unique purpose, but also, um, Isaiah 26.

Three says you keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you. And so I go back to that one a lot because anytime I'm like aware that I'm not feeling peaceful, like maybe I'm feeling anxious or, or like not good enough. Scared. Like a lot of times I feel fear and so I have to remind [00:18:00] myself, okay, if I just kind of put blinders on, I think of a racehorse.

Like if I just put blinders on and I just focus on what God has for me, then I can just pursue it, you know, with full belief and trust. But we start to. Kind of like sink when we start to look around, not what everybody else is doing. It's so hard for me when I start getting lost in, in that comparison trap to stay in my lane.

So, yeah, and a lot of times that's a distraction that the enemy uses just to, to get us off target and to make us lose sight of that purpose that God has for our lives. A hundred percent. I love that you mentioned that too, because the enemy's goal is to distract us from our purpose. Mm-hmm. And he does it very cleverly like disguised as something we think would be of [00:19:00] God.

And so it's just a really important reminder that the enemy is out there trying to derail us. From exactly what God wants us to do. And honestly, I love you brought that up. 'cause I'm over here reminding myself of that daily lately. Same. I mean same. It is definitely a battle over here. Yes, it's real. Oh.

Spiritual warfare is no joke, man. It's not. It's not and and is. And like the closer we get to, I think being in alignment with what he wants us to do, the harder it is. Right? And the more like the self-doubt creeps in. And again, that's why just staying connected to God is so important. Just knowing his word, you know, just.

Like how you asked me what verses matter because we can use the verses like an affirmation [00:20:00] if we know them. And not only that, but in, in scripture, in the armor of God, the sword is the truth. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And the truth is God's word. Yes. So it's our weapon. It's so good. It is. Absolutely. I'm really reading a really good book about spiritual warfare and so yeah, I'm starting to learn more about that and it's really telling, you're right.

Let's look at the other end of the spectrum for just a minute, because confidence while. It's hard to come by. It is for so many of us for so long. But once we finally do gain a little bit of confidence, it's really easy to kind of slip into almost a self obsession or fall into vanity. How can teen girls build a healthy, godly confidence without becoming overly focused on that physical appearance?

That's a great [00:21:00] question. I think a good measure of healthy confidence is, you know, you have to ask yourself, are you staying in your lane? Are you honoring how God made you or are you trying to measure up to what everybody else is doing or just trying to fit it in? And I think it's important to ask yourself the motive behind your intentions or like whatever it is you're, you're trying to do, you know, like the phrase you're doing too much.

It is like, yeah, you know, maybe you are stepping into a little bit of vanity once you are totally feeling yourself. And that's where you kind of have to check yourself a little bit and ask like, are you. Are you people pleasing or are you like what you're feeling? Like where is it really coming from and what's the motive behind it?

And again, it always comes [00:22:00] back to Christ because his word tells us that we should really die to ourselves and live for him. So I mean, then that's really intense, right? But ultimately. It's not about being vain, it's about being humble. I teach girls and women to look in the mirror and be able to really thank God that he made you the way he made you.

Mm-hmm. Um, and so I think finding that healthy balance between thinking your, the, the bee's knees over, trying to stay in a state of maybe even worship or honor. Like giving him the glory for who you are. Absolutely. For the girl who wants to not get to the point of vanity, but doesn't wanna feel more comfortable in her own skin while also being able to honor God, what are some practical things that she can do?

Are there maybe [00:23:00] some habits or some mindset shifts or maybe even the way that she approaches things like makeup and fashion? How would you direct her? I mean, I think for me, 'cause I always say beauty is from the inside out and I'll be the first person to admit that my inner critic is not nice. And so I think like mindset is huge.

And so, you know, we need to ask ourselves when we look in the mirror or just when we're thinking thoughts about ourself, are we putting ourselves down? Or are we lifting ourselves up? Are those thoughts positive or are they negative? And I think noticing that pattern is really important. So trying to shift from a point of view of, uh, I hate my nose.

To, okay, well maybe I don't love my nose, but what else? What other feature do I love? Maybe I have [00:24:00] beautiful eyes, and so I could be like, you know, I'm learning to love my nose, but in the meantime I can learn how to use makeup to bring out my eye color. Something like that. So I think that's what I would say about mindset, but then to get more practical.

I think good hygiene is really important. Washing your hair, showering, and of course skincare is huge. Mm-hmm. And something that, I think I started a skincare regimen when I was eight or nine. Oh wow. And it's because I was like, yeah, I mean, I was obsessed with beauty. So that's why you still have a baby face.

Maybe I also have good jeans. I'm gonna thank my grandma. It really is important to care for your skin, like it is your largest organ. You really do sweat. There's pollution. There's just, even if you don't wear [00:25:00] makeup, like your pores are absolutely getting clogged on a daily basis. And so it's important to wash away all of that grime and that oil.

And it's important to just learn and educate yourself about skincare because your pH balance matters like, in other words, how, how much natural oil your skin makes or how tight or how dry it is. And, but by washing with the wrong products, you can over wash and make your skin excessively oily. Learning about skincare I think is really important.

As early as 10 or 11, you should be at least using basic skincare. And then, you know, as we get a little older, that's when we have to start preventing the aging by using more like treatment products. And then to take this conversation a little more fun. Something I love to teach. And my true beauty program is [00:26:00] that God is creative.

Like the first thing he did was create the Earth right and we're made in his image. So he created us to create. And so why not think about makeup and fashion as more of like unique opportunity to. Express yourself, like your creativity. That's actually how I think about makeup. Like it doesn't really have anything to do with fixing your face or correcting your flaws.

That is not how I think about it. And I think that fashion is the same way, like maybe. Instead of trying to be cool or follow trend, no. What makes me feel good? What do I, what am I naturally drawn to? Like what, when I wear it makes me stand a little taller and feel great, you know? I think at the end of the day, that's what it's really about, is letting your creativity shine.

Yeah. That is such a, [00:27:00] that's such a good perspective to have such a good outlook. If you could go back to your younger self, maybe middle school or high school version, Ashley, what would you tell her about beauty and confidence and identity and faith? What, what's something that you just, you wish she understood earlier?

I think I would, I would tell little me that, that I don't, don't need fixing that. You know? I actually have everything inside me right now and that I'm good enough as I am. Mm-hmm. And that. Every flaw and imperfection that I thought defined me don't really matter at the end of the day. And I think at the end of the day just to to know God and to keep Jesus at the center of everything.

I stopped myself from doing things that I [00:28:00] loved because I didn't feel worthy. And to be truthful, I knew I wanted to be a makeup artist when I was a little girl. I grew up watching my mom put her makeup on in the mirror. My mom was a model. I never pursued it. Shouldn't say never. I didn't pursue it for years because I just thought it was not for me.

I just thought it was too cool. I, I would walk by the women with like the makeup brush belts on at Dillard's or at the department stores, and I would think, oh my gosh, they're so cool. And instead of thinking like, I wanna be like that one day, I would think, oh, I could never do that. That was like my default.

And so it's so sad. 'cause when I think back to my life, like I stopped myself, if I could do anything, I would've made myself follow my dream at the get go. You know? Because I knew I wanted to be a [00:29:00] makeup artist when I was. Real, I mean, to take it seriously, probably 17, but I didn't move to New York and pursue it until I was 28.

So I spent 10 years not pursuing my dream. Oh my goodness. Yeah. So don't wait. That, that would be like my urgent. Call to anyone listening is to believe in yourself and trust God that he does have a perfect plan for you, and just to, to just trust that what do you put in your heart is there for a reason and to pursue it.

Absolutely. I love that. Yeah. Well actually, I just, I think that you have shared some, some nuggets of truth, some gold with, uh, with listeners and I appreciate it so, so much. I'd like for you to take the opportunity to tell listeners how they can find you, how I can stay in touch. Yeah, [00:30:00] sounds great. Thank you so much.

I have some exciting things coming up. I'm excited to offer my makeup lessons. I can teach how to enhance your natural beauty and not, you know, how to wear makeup where it doesn't look like a mask. Mm. Also, I have a true beauty program that's about to launch, so that's exciting. That's a combo of practical makeup, like how to get ready and out the door and under 10 minutes, you know how to glow from the inside out.

And it involves really like mindset and identity and. Work too, so that when we do look at the mirror, we're saying things that honor God rather than putting ourselves down. 'cause it's a struggle for a lot of women to actually look in the mirror when they don't have an ounce of makeup on and truly love what they see.

Yeah. I, I think I need to sign up for it. [00:31:00] I would love to. Yeah. Ashley, I just, I thank you so much for coming and hanging out today. Oh my gosh, I loved it. It was so fun. Thank you so much. So fun. Before we wrap up, I just wanna speak to the woman who felt something while listening to this today. You've heard me mention True Beauty throughout this conversation, or maybe you've seen it all over my social media.

It's my six week group coaching program where we blend makeup mindset and identity work to help women rediscover their confidence and remember who they are in Christ. This round is the beta launch, which means it's still at the lowest price it will ever be. I've realized how much time, energy, and transformation I pour into this space, and honestly, it's worth far more than what I'm charging.

But this season I wanted to open the doors for the women who are ready to step into something new, to become part of shaping this experience from the [00:32:00] inside out. If your heart's tugging right now, if you're ready to start seeing yourself differently and start showing up as the radiant woman God created you to be, I'd love for you to join us.

It's also the perfect space for you if maybe you're the mom who's lost her identity. Maybe you used to love makeup. Play with it. Enjoy watching YouTube tutorials and now you are just busy and you just plain don't have time. I totally get it. I've been there myself. I completely quit wearing makeup once I became a mom and.

Honestly, like the shame I would feel when my husband would walk in the door and I would just kind of look like something that Cat dragged in, um, was hard to recover from. But what I do in this program is show you how to create a fast five minute polished look that feels like authentically you. Um, so if this is speaking to you, just [00:33:00] know that you can find the link in the show notes.

Or message me directly, we start next week. I would absolutely love to walk this journey with you.

 Oh my gosh. Thank you for listening. If you got something out of this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to her identity project on your favorite podcast platform. Make sure you're notified about new episodes. Please hit the, like the share buttons, get on social media. Spread the word. Please take time to leave me a review.

That would mean more to me than you could ever know, and it helps get eyes on this show so that other people can just get all the goodness out of it. If you're loving it, please hit me up in my dms. I absolutely want to hear your feedback. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you next time.